Match Report: Old Southendians vs City of Peterborough

(AKA: The Day We Almost Shocked the League Leaders and Still Made It Home for Dinner—Well, Most of Us Did.)

Pre-Match Drama:

A 4 PM pushback. A two-hour drive. Someone, somewhere, has a very questionable sense of fixture planning. But hey, at least we weren’t up until 5 AM throwing up the night before, unlike Mike Smithson. Spirits were high on the long road trip, fueled by pure optimism, tactical masterplans from our new coach Dave, and the lingering hope that Peterborough might underestimate us.

First Half: Reality Check

The opening minutes saw Peterborough looking strangely off their game, their first touches bouncing off sticks like they’d been replaced with trampoline springs. For a brief, glorious moment, we dared to dream.

That was until the fourth minute when a hopeful ball over the top left Billy in a bit of a pickle. Under pressure, his attempted touch was, let’s say, more of a suggestion than an actual intervention. Their forward gleefully accepted the gift, slotted it home, and we were 1-0 down before we’d even warmed up properly.

Undeterred, the boys dug in. The defence was working hard, midfielders were chasing shadows, and we even managed to string a few passes together. Then, at the 20-minute mark, came The Great Sideline Debacle.

A hopeful Peterborough ball drifted out of play. Or at least, we all thought so. Every single one of us. Except the umpire. With the team still wondering how physics had been redefined, Peterborough took the sideline quickly, fired a ball into the D, and with a deflection past John, it whistled into the net. 2-0. Lovely.

Second Half: Chaos, Cards, and Controversy

Half-time came, and despite the scoreboard, belief remained. Dave, Giles, and Connor rallied the troops. We were still in this.

Peterborough, clearly rattled, had their fans resorting to classic Sunday League Football Banter™️, complete with dodgy chants and complaints about the weather. Their players, equally shaken, started directing their energy into questioning every single umpiring decision like a panel of TV pundits. This went well… until the green cards started flying.

Sensing an opportunity, we pressed. Simon Kidge picked out Giles in the D, and suddenly, we had a golden chance. Could he have squared it to Head at the back post for a certain goal? Probably. Did he? No. Moving on.

Then came the moment we thought we had our breakthrough. A short corner routine executed to perfection, the ball slotted home, the celebrations beginning… until the umpire blew for a high ball. Now, we’re not saying we were robbed, but let’s just say VAR would have been very useful.

We kept pushing, but Peterborough, despite their best attempts to self-destruct, finally put together a well-worked goal to seal the game.

Full-Time: A Respectable Battle

The final whistle blew. A 3-0 loss on paper, but a performance that left Peterborough rattled, their fans rowdy, and us wondering what could have been.

Moral victory? Maybe. Real victory? Not quite. But at least most of us made it home in one piece.

Man of the Match: Mike Roberts

A rock at the back, breaking up play, keeping the team organized, and putting in a shift that deserved more from the game. Solid, composed, and relentless—exactly what you want from your defence.

Jacket of Shame: Jack Head

While most of us left Peterborough with sore legs and a sense of frustration, Jack Head left with something worse—a shocking realization at 7:45 PM in Leigh-on-Sea that his hockey shoes were still in Peterborough. Having dashed off so quickly after the game, he completely forgot them, leaving him to spend his evening contemplating his life choices over dinner. A well-earned Jacket of Shame.

Ps: RESPECT THE UMPIRES ; more so for other clubs : Let’s not forget that umpires give up their time (and often their own money) to ensure we can play our games at the weekend. They’re not professionals, and mistakes happen—it’s part of the sport. Sometimes, we just have to accept a wrong decision and move forward.